It makes me laugh when people listens to others and actually asked me "You used ot be such a nice girl." What they don't realize is, they have been listening to people bad mouthing me on things that are out of my control and they just accept that instead of listening to my reasons.

Things like this just makes me give up on people. Honestly, I give up on most people entirely.

These sort of people judge on others on what they heard and what they demand of in a "Must Have, Must Provide" terms and won't accept otherwise. Easy for people who can snap their fingers and get whatever they want. Easy for people who have never gone through hardships. Easy for people who hardly have any problems.

Why should I bide to whatever they want hands and knees like their slave. Oh please... :rolleyes:

Walk a mile in my shoe and I wonder if you survive.

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My Beloved at the moment is trying to past time (i guess to keep his mind off his family problems) by trying to build websites. I'm trying to help him. He knows I am bad in teaching but I try what I could. He's learning. Gonna get him that copy of Photoshop CS that I have.

So the story is he went to Las Vegas anyway after I've prohibited him to. What can I do? he's stressed out and if I prevent him any more he might do some unwanted things. I was pissed at first after finding out, so I've took the "none-contact" time to cool off.

I have the habit to think of him first so I don't push him on doing anything he doesn't like unles he wants to. Like joing some forums I'm in. He's not interested but he did said in joining one day, I won't cash that in until we have a good day. but then in that good day, we spent on talking to each other instead. Yeahhhh... why spend the limited time he has with me daily to talk to them people instead of me. =/ God knows he's already busy enough to spend a small time for me atm, why should he spend time he have for me on other people?! besides both of us are already fucking stress enough!

Anyway, I heard he got hurt in Las Vegas, cutting his visit there short. He won't tell me what it is, but I know he is taking prescribe meds for it. =/

that's him, he don't want me to get worry and I don't want him to get worried on me either. sometimes the stress just gets to much that it hurts literally. =/ I ended up blurting out all my problems at him and i would turn his day bad cause he knows he can't be there with me =/ likewise for me. We just don't want to burden either of us with things.

Can't wait till we're married now, cause only god knows the shit we've been gone through.

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I just realized today, it;s been long since I've written any creative works after somebody asked me about my writings.

At first, I've stopped cause people are using them against me. Then I started a bit again, then got paid for it, under my name and my pen name. That was fun. Then, I've stopped cause I got depressed. I used to get depressed and got to write alot of things, but right then, I have no heart to write anything. I was that depressed. anything I love to do I hated. Then things gets better and I tried again. Unfortunately my heart didn't get through that much. It was hard then. To get back to the groove and do whatever I love to do. And I used to be good at it. the things came up and i fall out of it again.

I guess I was stupid. I let people's opinion of me and people's doings to me gets to me enough that I stopped doing what I love best in life other than being with my Beloved.

Write now, I'm trying to get back to writing and sketching. but it's pretty hard since I'm working now. I think I should try again and stick to it this time.

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stupid esnail >.> I kept on lagging out. I hope I can post this.